Crashing Waves

It’s been a wave of emotions today. I did ok till I watched Phantom of the Opera on YouTube. It’s the 25th Anniversary at Royal Albert Hall.

If you don’t know me, I’ve dreamed since I was a young girl to be able to see a performance live. My mom got to go when I was in my teens (tix were sold out or she would have bought one for me). Ever since then I have had it on my bucket list to see a live performance. The music is beautiful, it hits my soul and brings out all the feelings. I think watching it today was especially hard because while I have one daughter here who enjoys it as well (and she’s only 8), I was hoping Serenity would also have this love of music, plays, and all that goes with it.

I was overwhelmed with emotion and started crying. She won’t get to enjoy those things with me on this earth. I miss my daughter. I miss the fact that I won’t ever get to share the things I love with her. My love of music, reading, dancing, putting my bare feet in the cool grass, my love of thunderstorms, my love of family and my love of the Lord. I wanted to share all those things with her and more. And today I sat watching the Phantom and realized that I wouldn’t be able to do so and I cried. I cried in waves. They came and they would go. At the end they bring out Andrew Lloyd Webber, and the original cast including Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford. This brings on more tears as the emotions of listening to the original cast recordings with my own mother come flooding back and I just know. I know that I don’t get to share that with Serenity and it breaks my heart.